Plastic Box

"Congratulations to meet you!"

It's the second morning this weekend that I've woken up early but stayed in bed, stretching to reach my book while remaining under the warmth of my blankets. Here I lay for a while longer, finding a path of my own by reading about Liz's (in my head we're on a first-name basis). Though we are different, as any two people naturally are, there are common threads that bind us. And I love to wake up to her words, encouraging me and making this real.

Somehow she and the "characters" she met in her travels have a way of articulating things that I have been trying to say. Things that have so far been nebulous thoughts that wouldn't fit into letters. So here are a few of my favorite passages (and yes, mom, I am using sticky tabs instead of dog-eared pages):

---------------------------

Liz: "I seriously believed that David was my soulmate."

Richard: ""He probably was. Your problem is you don't understand what that word means. People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that's holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then they leave. And thank God for it. Your problem is you just can't let this one go...You can't accept that this relationship had a real short shelf life. You're like a dog at the dump, baby --- you're just lickin' at an empty can trying to get more nutrition out of it. And if you're not careful, that can's gonna get stuck on your snout forever and make your life miserable. So drop it."

L: "But I love him."

R: "So love him."

L: "But I miss him."

R: "So miss him. Send him some love and light every time you think about him, and then drop it."

----------------------------

"I look at the Augusteum, and I think that perhaps my life has not actually been so chaotic, after all.  It is merely this world that is chaotic, bringing changes to us all that nobody could have anticipated.  The Augusteum warns me not to get attached to any obsolete ideas about who I am, what I represent, whom I belong to, or what function I may once have intended to serve.  Yesterday I might have been a glorious monument to somebody, true enough --– but tomorrow I could be a fireworks depository.  Even in the Eternal City, says the silent Augusteum, one must always be prepared for riotous and endless waves of transformation.”

----------------------------

"This is what we are like. Collectively, as a species, this is our emotional landscape. I met an old lady once, almost one hundred years old, and she told me, 'There are only two questions that human beings have ever fought over, all through history: How much do you love me? and Who's in charge?'  Everything else is somehow manageable."

----------------------------

In daylight hours, I refused a certain thought, but at night it would consume me. What a catastrophe. How could I be such a criminal jerk as to proceed this deep into a marriage, only to leave it? We'd only just bought this house a year ago. Hadn't I wanted this nice house? Hadn't I loved it? So why was I haunting its halls every night now, howling like Medea? Wasn't I proud of all we'd accumulated — the prestigious home in the Hudson Valley, the apartment in Manhattan, the eight phone lines, the friends and the picnics and the parties, the weekends spent roaming the aisles of some box-shaped superstore of our choice, buying ever more appliances on credit? I had actively participated in every moment of the creation of this life — so why did I feel like none of it resembled me? Why did I feel so overwhelmed with duty?

I don't want to be married anymore.

My husband was sleeping in the other room, in our bed. I equal parts loved him and could not stand him. I couldn't wake him to share in my distress — what would be the point? He'd already been watching me fall apart for months now, watching me behave like a madwoman (we both agreed on that word), and I only exhausted him. We both knew there was something wrong with me, and he'd been losing patience with it. We'd been fighting and crying and we were weary in that way that only a couple whose marriage is collapsing can be weary. We had the eyes of refugees.

----------------------------

"Destiny, I feel, is also a relationship --- a play between divine grace and willful self-effort. Half of it you have no control over; half of it is absolutely in your hands, and your actions will show measurable consequence. Man is neither entirely a puppet of the gods, nor is he entirely the captain of his own destiny; he's a little of both. We gallop through our lives like circus performers balancing on two speeding side-by-side horses: one foot is on the horse called "fate," the other on the horse called "free will." And the question you have to ask every day is --- which horse is which? Which horse do I need to stop worrying about because it's not under my control, and which horse do I need to steer with concentrated effort?"

Overdue anger

   Way to go making me all freaked out by politics again, Strickland. I thought I was sooooo over this after the second Bush burn, but now you're hittin too close to home. Have any lemon juice you could pour straight on this ridiculous budget cut?

One colleague said that he is "livid that other less essential agencies, such as the Football Hall of Fame, are not being cut at all, and others are even seeing increases. For instance, the Department of Development, which gives grants to national corporate interests to build Chuck E. Cheese franchises and the like, has had its funding RAISED from 2008 to 2010 by nearly three times the amount that is being cut from libraries. Why can't this increase be reduced in order to support public libraries instead?"

Here is the message from my SLA listserv:

As many of you are aware, Governor Strickland has proposed a cut to state
funding for public libraries of $227.3 million in fiscal years 2010 and
2011 as part of his plan to fill the $3.2 billion gap in the budget that
must be balanced by the Ohio General Assembly's Conference Committee by
June 30. This will mean a more than 50% cut in funding for many of Ohio's
public libraries. Libraries could close or face significant reductions in
operations as a result of the Governor's proposal. This cut is in addition
to the 20% reduction in funding that libraries are already facing, because
their funding comes from 2.22% of the state's declining General Revenue
Fund.

With some 70% of the state's 251 public libraries relying solely on
state funding to fund their operations, the reduction in funding will
mean that many will close branches or drastically reduce hours and
services.

  The Governor's proposed funding cuts come at a time when Ohio's public
  libraries are experiencing unprecedented increases in demands for
  services. In every community throughout the state, Ohioans are turning
  to their public library for free high speed Internet access and help
  with employment searches, children and teens are beginning summer
  reading programs, and people of all ages are turning to the library as a
  lifeline during these difficult economic times. Ohio's public libraries
  offer CRITICAL services to those looking for jobs and operating small
  businesses. Public libraries are an integral part of education, which
  Governor Strickland says is critical to the state's economic recovery.
  But it is unlikely that many of Ohio's public library systems,
  especially those without local levies, can remain open with these
  proposed cuts.

  About 30% of Ohio's public libraries have local property tax levies that
  supplement the state's funding. However, with the Governor's proposed
  drastic cuts in the state funding for libraries, even those libraries
  will face decisions regarding substantial reductions in hours of
  operation, materials, and staffing.

  For additional Information: http://saveohiolibraries.com/ and http://www.olc.org/SaveOhioLibraries.asp

The General Assembly Conference Committee will likely make their decision about this proposal this week. Please contact your legislators today!

Post a message to Gov. Strickland's Facebook page

If the outcry across the web (nearly every Ohio library [and even some non-Ohio libraries] have posted ways to contact Strickland about this) is any indication, the people of Ohio DO NOT WANT THIS.

It's no secret that libraries shaped me into the super-awesomeness that I am today. But I'll bet they did and still do play a part in your life and your community, too. They are not disposable and they are not going to take this lying down.

What do you want to be when you grow up?

I'm so used to updating my Twitter page and Facebook status that writing blog entries is a lot harder than it used to be. I guess our collective patience has been reduced, eh? There's so much going on right now that I don't necessarily want to spill here...not yet. So combined with my shortened focus, I also can't write about what I really want to write about.

But one exciting development is that I have set a goal to attain my teaching credentials by the end of 2011. Wright State has a program that can be catered to people who already hold an MLIS, so at the end of the program and after taking PRAXIS II, I will be qualified to be a school media specialist and/or a substitute or regular teacher (English or media/information subjects) in the state of Ohio.

Cool, huh? I should have paralleled this certification with my MLIS program at Kent, but hey, I was working full time, paying out of pocket, moved cities, and planned a wedding/bought a house while desperately cramming in classes and papers. So we'll just say that it was best to wait.

Things'rrrrr lookin up...

"So let me hold you tight and share a killer, thriller, ow!"

So my good friend Sarah and I have a goal to learn the Thriller dance this summer. Whilst searching YouTube for some instructionals, I discovered "Thrill the World"...and have found an extra-credit goal for us:

THRILL THE WORLD 2009

I downloaded the starter kit. Eeeee! As far as world records go, this is one I can't miss.

And I know that you've all probably seen it, but this video of prison inmates doing Thriller is still amazing.

Don't ever change, LYLAS, class of '96 ROX

When Gregor Samsa woke up one morning from unsettling dreams, he found himself changed ... "What's happened to me?" he thought. It was no dream.

Change. It's pretty powerful stuff. Sometimes voluntary, sometimes serendipitous. I just wanted to share two things that I've been trying lately that are new:

Organic skin care and makeup: It's crazy the amount and type of chemicals that we put ON our bodies, let alone IN our bodies. So I'm experimenting with Korres, Glam Nation, and Lily Organics. If nothing else, read some articles about parabens and then take a look at how many products you own that contain them. Organic and chemical-free is SO much more accessible and affordable these days... don't miss out!

Ninja Chick (by Mollie Culligan): This is a book that I picked up at the Borders outlet and initially had a hard time getting in to...but it's the perfect bath read. All about finding your inner ninja and being a kick-ass independent and happy woman. I'm discovering confident women writers that are going through life changes that they may never have suspected but are making the most out of anyway.

Fitting.

And inspirational. :)

There are a lot of things changing right now, but these are two that I wanted to share with you. Also, the This I Believe essay series in hardback from NPR is another can't-miss. There are two volumes that you will never forget.

That's it for now. More to come.